January 2021 - Everyday Integrity

January 26, 2021February 12, 2022

News from Jules | 01.25.2021 | Being Present Together

Given all the emotions of the day, it was hard to tell where my nerves were coming from. As I took a deep in-breath, signing off one Zoom call, and immediately signed into a new Zoom call with a deep out-breath, I was calm and excited.

One by one faces appeared until 14 coworkers sat with me, patiently waiting, expectant of a 15-minute zen break in the middle of their “hump” day. And not just any hump day: Inauguration Day.

1-2-3 all eyes on me.

The smallest atom of what Amanda Gorman must have felt earlier that day. And yet, the universal feeling of doing a first: “something you’ve never done before.”

Leading my first meditation sitting—a discipline I had only started practicing daily in the past few weeks. Just the beginning.

But was it?

Perhaps the beginning of my practice, yet a discipline sprinkled throughout my personal development journey over the past 15 years.

I took a deep in-breath, drawing in all that had lead to this moment, and then released my fear to the universe, with a deep out-breath.

“As you settle into this moment, simply focus on being in your body. This is the only place you need to be. This is presence.”

Just as I had practiced a few days before on my own, we began with a reading from Julia Cameron’s Heart Steps: Prayers and Declarations for a Creative Life:

My true nature is the experience of unity. All separation is fear. All fear is illusion. We forget that we are one…In our unity, we are one people, one earth, one song. Each of us sings a True Note.

We were not synchronized. We were not identical. We were 15 different bodies sitting in our own posture, with our own breaths, with our own sensations, feelings, thoughts. In 15 different places.

And yet, we were one. All focused on the same goal: being present together.

Just as so many millions had sat hours before mesmerized by the poetry of the day. The start of the next era. A new beginning.

But was it?

As if there was a giant switch that simply needed to be flipped. On or off. Ending to beginning. Old to new. Release to receive.

As if transformation happens like that. Instead of a slow fade like a light dimmer. Or better yet like the sun—in constant rotation and degree of brightness.

The 15-minute sitting came to an end.

Together, we took a deep in-breath of accomplishment and then a deep out-breath of humility.

Present in the process.

May you stay the course in your evolution this week.

Love,
Jules

I share a lesson learned about integrity every Monday. Sign up for delivery right to your inbox. Want more? There’s lots more lessons learned here on my blog, so have fun exploring and commenting about your own insights!

January 18, 2021February 12, 2022

News from Jules | 01.18.21 | Detox Your Soul

The hallway was completely dark except for dim light at the bottom of the stairs. The top step was large enough for two people side-by-side, but I stood alone, in front of a large door. It seemed slightly ajar. But, as I started looking closer the light went out below. Before my eyes could adjust to the darkness, the walls seemed to be closing in. I held onto the fear for a prolonged moment before opening my eyes.

Phew, I was still safely wrapped in a blanket, sitting on a cushion on the ground, criss-cross-apple-sauce, as the sun rose.

During the second week of my annual detox, I added daily meditation prompts from Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening to my 15-minute sittings. The day’s prompt was “Seeing into Darkness.”

Relieved, I recognized the feeling of being constricted and compressed. I was scared of being conformed. I was scared of losing my sense of self—only recently recovered—or worse, of actually losing myself. The discomfort was familiar. And got me wondering more about the root of this fear.

As I woke up from a dream yesterday morning, I put two-and-two together. Is this my fear—or is this a fear I have taken on?

In the dream I was overservicing the needs of others—anticipating, attending to, taking care of everything—except for myself. Interestingly, I was wearing a green- and red-flowered apron that I made for my Mom in a sewing class when I was 7. The same apron I wore last month while baking Christmas cookies for my neighbors. Just like my Mom did.

Loving my Mom so much I paid close attention to her while I was growing up. I saw her struggle with self-care, as I imagine she may have also observed with her mother.

Just because we act in a way that’s based on what we know, what we saw, doesn’t mean it is who we are.

I pondered the details of the dream as I made my morning lemon water and sat down to meditate. Reading Sunday’s meditation reflection and daily prompt made so much sense: “Still, the cost of not being who you are is that while you’re busy pleasing everyone around you, a precious part of you is dying inside; in this case, there will be internal conflict to deal with—the friction of being invisible,” wrote Mark Nepo.

In one of my favorite photos of my Mom, Kathy, she’s on a mountain top with my Dad back when my parents were mountaineers. Polarized sunglasses lowered, she’s looking right at him taking the picture and sticking out her tongue. Playful, energetic, fun. In her late-20s. Before three kids. Before stepping behind the camera until we all finally left home for college and Kathy fully reappeared. This is the way I remember her before she unexpectedly passed away 18 years ago.

Just as I can’t ask her about her actual fears and struggles, I may never understand my own. But, every day I can choose to hold on or to release them.

Especially right now.

During cold, dark winter.

The fourth and final season in this growth cycle. A natural time for acknowledgment and release, for getting rid of toxic or unhealthy substances—of all the fears, ideas, beliefs, habits that no longer serve us. Is this actually me—or is this something I have taken on?

Detoxing your soul.

From here, from clarity, from curiosity, we can confidently see into the darkness.

May you stay true to yourself this week.

Love,
Jules

January 11, 2021February 12, 2022

News from Jules | 01.11.21 | Find Discomfort and Reassurance

In the darkness of the dawn, the wind sideswiping my apartment building might as well have been a pack of howling wolves, the hum of the refrigerator was like a jet taking off, the diiinnnngggggg as if the hallway elevator was actually inside my apartment.

With all that noise, how could I hear my own breath—none the less my own being?

As the thankfully noiseless digital minutes ticked by, I slowly settled into my body and turned my attention inward.

I knew this was the point of meditation—to feel, sense, hear every part of this miraculous system we live in. Something that had alluded this busy body for most of a lifetime!

This is my ninth year of practicing Joshi’s Holistic Detox at the beginning of the new year. The first year I was preparing for an early 30th birthday trip to Mexico with college friends that February. Knowing that we’d be poolside all week, I was primarily concerned with getting slim. It worked amazingly well. And, as a yoga practitioner, I was also intrigued by the indigenous roots of Joshi’s Ayurvedic approach from India, going way beyond just diet, including organic/local food sources and products, hydration, sleep, fitness, and meditation. Every year since I’ve added learning another element to the detox.

This year is meditation: Fifteen minutes, every day. First thing after I wake up. Wrapped in a blanket, sitting on a cushion on the ground, criss-cross-apple-sauce.

During a Hatha yoga class recently, the teacher told us to sit crosslegged “the wrong way.”

“You know how you’re sitting now and it feels just right? Well, switch it.”

During class, I tried to tuck my right leg in with my left leg in front and I was amazed. I couldn’t do it. Okay, I sort of did it. But, it felt like trying to walk on my hands. Completely unfamiliar, awkward and unstable. Had I really been sitting one way for my entire life?

After class, I asked the teacher how I could learn to sit the other way. Her sweetly empathetic reply? “You’re just going to have to sit in the discomfort.”

Every day last week I practiced. Wrapped in a blanket, sitting on a cushion on the ground, criss-cross-apple-sauce. Finding a new “right” way.

I sat in the discomfort. And found reassurance.

Each day it felt a tiny bit more right.

Not just having my right leg tucked in, but meditation in general. I am learning so much from this detox already. One week down, two more to go.

Slightly more flexible, slightly more familiar, slightly more ease, slightly more attention available to attune with the sweet, silent nothingness at my core. Not even to hear the sweet nothings that come from that place, but just to let myself know I’m listening.

I’m here.

I’m open.

I’m infinitely adaptable.

And so are you.

May you sit in the discomfort a little bit longer this week.

Love,
Jules

P.S. Thank you for the additional survey submissions. The responses affirm the same trends. One reader repeated what others’ said, “I could have checked all the reasons I read your newsletter…each time there is something different I gain or enjoy. Thanks for keeping it going.” Y’all are welcome!

January 4, 2021February 12, 2022

News from Jules | 01.04.21 | Begin Again

As we turn the corner into a new year, I’m taking a break from my storytelling format this week to check-in and orient to the bigger picture. If we learned anything from last year, it was about transparency and the power of confirming consent.

As some will recall, when I heeded the call to build Everyday Integrity, I sent weekly newsletters and blogged throughout 2018. When I landed a contract “day job” I stopped writing. During that 20-month break, I missed writing. And, it felt like I missed an opportunity—to share the journey as I continued to learn and fail and live into integrity, everyday.

So, it was an immediate “of course,” when that contract was up in July, 2020, and my inner voice whispered, “Send TinyLetters” (if you missed any, past issues are available here). I recommitted to blogging and sending these weekly updates for two reasons:

As a way to process life and share what I was discovering (as I set out to find my way back to my calling for the umpteenth time).
To be accountable to myself and to others (you!).

Back in October, 2020, I sent a survey to see how I was doing. Starting a full-time job as a Learning & Development Manager at a local software startup, I considered whether to keep writing. Did it matter? There were 13 respondents who reassured me it did.

While that’s only 10% of overall readership, it was plenty for me. Most people don’t do surveys anyhow, though 40-50% of folks do open this very week (That amazing gift keeps me going alone!).

Because 85% (12 of 13) respondents prefer “a moral to the story,” I continue to experiment with how to weave lessons learned into my updates. I’m still exploring how to make lessons more universal and share more personally. I was surprised that 77% (10 of 13) said that when they read this “changes all the time,” so I’m no longer worried about my send time (especially since “it’s just the next thing in the inbox” for so many).

Unsurprisingly, 62% (8 of 13) were primarily “curious what I’m up to.” This sense of connection is at the heart of why I write. And makes me wonder about reaching a broader audience than my personal network.

One reader said, “the fact I can hear you in every word is the best thing about it.”
Another said, “it makes me feel more connected to you.” Me too!!
Yet another said, “Thank you for sharing the journey. It’s a link to another perspective.”
And one reader wanted to mention, “I also read because I am inspired by many of your practices.”

I am inspired to share even more about my practices—both personal growth and spiritual development—as well as the journey this year. I’m not exactly sure what that will look or sound like yet. Just like I’m not sure how the journey will play out. This is why the journey is an adventure, huh?

For now, I’m doing my annual detox for the next six to eight weeks to help me gain clarity as I plan and dream my way into the next cycle of growth—as I pursue summiting Mt. Hood, sustainable living and starting a family.

There will be plenty more about all that as I figure it out! So, if you’re still along for the ride, stick around while I keep experimenting. Or heck, share with a friend.

If your inbox is too full already, by all means, unsubscribe to start the new year fresh (click the link at the bottom next to my email address).

May you begin again, fresh and new, each time this week.

Love,
Jules

P.S. Always all ears for more feedback! Take the survey here—it’s still open, it’s anonymous and it only took folks a minute or two!

P.S.S. This week’s Subject is inspired by January in my new 2021 desk calendar (check out the video here) made by Tiny & Snail, a sister-artist duo in the Midwest. The calendar was proactively preordered by one of my best friends and not for general sale, though there are tons of adorable cards. All of which are wildly inspiring to me!

Month: January 2021

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