In addition to bringing a baby meal and a gift to my friends recently, I shared news of my world and the world beyond their safe haven. It was our first in-person (from afar) conversation this year. A short break from the monotony of round-the-clock caregiving.
Touching on COVID, the election, the protests, my latest anti-racism learnings, I was excited to share stats and actions. This is the first year that I’ve actually paid attention and engaged with current events, which have felt like big steps in my personal growth.
Previously, it felt too overwhelming for me to pay attention, none the less, to try and understand the implications of these events and act accordingly. Especially with the increasing rate of new information and ideas every day that makes one question everything all over again.
It was easier to shut it out than to feel it all. So that’s what I did. Until now.
For my friend, it was the opposite. This insulated time apart—on leave from her nonprofit job, volunteer work and various social justice communities—was disorienting to be so disengaged.
I heard what sounded like guilt about not contributing, as she protected the next generation, resting gently on her chest. I blinked wide-eyed and shook my head in confusion.
The things we take for granted.
The way she immediately raised her hand, offering a finger to nibble on, at the smallest squeek of the squishy face attached to her. The way she rocked side-to-side ever so slightly as we talked. The way she seemed only and completely in that moment.
It was as if she’d always been a parent, not just for the past six weeks.
What I heard her say: she wasn’t “doing” anything.
What I saw: she was doing a lot.
Learning a new way of being. None the less, nurturing another life. She was growing in. Just as I’m currently in a cycle of growing out. Learning a new way of being in the world.
Living and learning.
Not only learning new things, but remembering what is already known.
Growth is a constant cycle. Not this linear, hierarchical version of “growing up” that we’ve normalized over here in Western culture.
So constant it’s easy to forget, overlook, disregard.
It ebbs and flows. Not just in and out, but around and around. Even when it feels paused.
Even when taken for granted.
Especially when life feels disorienting.
It’s happening.
You are always growing.
May you feel grace in all your growing edges this week.
Love,
Jules
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